My Blog

Day 25

This is day 25, since Alex Died. I always check email first thing in the morning. Actually, since I mostly communicate through email, sms and IM, I pretty much stay connected and check all the time. I have received so many great messages, thoughts of comfort and inspiration that I started thinking about how amazing it is that people will actually take the time to sit down and write, even if they find the process personally painful. What’s even more fascinating is that many of these folks are complete strangers from all over the world. This morning was no exception. I received a letter that was actually a warning. It was and so heartfelt and so appreciated that I thought i’d share it just because it demonstrates the connection all of us have to each other. It’s part of the human condition and our God given need to help comfort each other... even if we don’t have a clue who they are. We feel each others pain. Hi , I am truly saddened by your story , your loss and the ordeal you must be going through. I was struck by your comment that unexpected events may open wounds you think are healed. I can vouch for it. Some years ago , my father died .. we had a good relationship and shared many interests. As is common , only in later years did we come to be friends with a mutual respect and not just father and son. To illustrate my point i will relate what my experience was and perhaps it may prepare you in some way . One thing Dad and I always had going was a little yearly competition as to who would see the first swallow. These are small birds with a V shaped tail which migrate and return around the same time every year. The prize was bragging rights for 12 months and some good natured joking .. it was also a celebration of spring and many times he beat me to spotting them first. About a year after dad passed , i had come to a sort of acceptance of his loss, and it got to be a weight that was always there , a missing jigsaw piece ..but the hurt wasn't ever present as it had been and i thought at a year i was pretty much over the worst. One spring morning , i went in my back yard to put out some trash and crossing the yard caught a fleeting , darting movement from the corner of my eye . I stopped to look and realized in joy .. a swallow. I dropped the trash and wheeled around making a dash for the back door to phone him ..three strides later reality kicked in and i experienced the full weight of grief as raw as ever. I sat on my back step in almost a state of collapse and wept like a child. I was so unprepared for that , thought i had begun to heal , to get a handle on it ...I was wrong , Be careful of your hearts , be prepared for them to be bruised and tender for a long time , expect it and perhaps it wont be such a shock. God bless you all and keep you strong. Name Withheld Ireland Traci and I want each of you to know how blessed we are to have all of you as friends and supporters. I can honestly say that I can’t see how we would get through this without you. Every day new people join this support group and I can assure you that each one of you help to strengthen us each day. I so appreciate each message, thought, call and your visits. What really shocked me though... is the letters I get from total strangers that take the time to write and offer their experiences. Each one of these stories from personal tragedy are difficult to revisit... I now know this so well. And yet... they keep coming. To me this demonstrates some of the God given qualities still found in mankind and I’m humbled by the demonstration of so many that are willing to put themselves in pain and sacrifice time to help someone they don’t know from Adam. Thank you so much.

Saturday, May 30, 2009